Doin' My Duty

As a parent, one of my responsibilities is to make sure my children grow up to be mature, socially responsible adults.  They need to know what to expect "out there" and of course, what is expected of them.  So I've introduced the concept of "mommy tax".  If they need me to wash it, cut it, peel it, open it or pour it, I am entitled to approximately 10%.  It's easy to collect on a bowl of baby carrots, but when for example a couple of cookies are involved, it's harder to give The Mom what she's due.  I know it's working though because the other day, Matteus asked me to slice him an apple.  When I absently handed him the whole thing on a plate, he pushed it back to me and said, "Uh, mom? Tax?"

If it wasn't for those meddling kids...

There comes a time when you finally just throw up your hands and say "Fine then".

I stumbled into that moment today.   It dawned on me that I have been trying too hard to define myself outside of being a mother. I've wanted so badly to find some comfy place in which I could unfold all that I am and plaster it all over the other things people have put up on my wall. I was so unfairly resentful of anything or anyone that imposed their needs upon my own.  As though if I didn't find that part of me that makes me Patricia (not the wife, not the mom) and hold on tight with both hands, my grip might slip and I'd be lost for good.  Well, being in the forest so long I was starting not to see the trees.  

Right now, I am a wife.  Right now, I am a mom.  There is nothing else I really need to be.  And my hands need to be free for caressing cheeks that won't be chubby forever; for wiping away tears that might one day be hidden from mommy; and for keeping the rest of the nest ready for the day when we find it empty (many, many, moons from now!)

I started this blog as a creative tool to help me uncover characteristics or interests that may have been laying hidden; other things I might be; to remind me of the other things I once wanted to be.  In 2 years, I've only had one entry.  It took me this long to see that the blockage was self-imposed.  I couldn't write because I was trying to use someone else's voice and fly along someone else's path. 

My kids have hijacked my life.  They have me tied up in the cockpit, and have full control of the flight path, God help us. But that is where my joy is; seeing the clever things they come up with to deal with the blips on the screen.  So, that is what this blog will be about; my kids, my little Oliveira's served straight up. All those crazy things they say and do that make me  facepalm smile.  I hope they do the same for you.

PS. Up till now I've been documenting all their wit and wisdom on my Facebook account.  I'm going to be digging deep into past status history to see how much of that I can salvage and I'll post them here instead. So I'll ask my Facebook friends and family in advance to forgive the repeats!

Stay tuned.  Things may get interesting!

What'll it be?

You know your poison. Your favorite, take-the-edge-off, let's-get-this-party-started happy serum.  You know exactly how it's going to taste, you know exactly how many to have to achieve desired results. 

Comfort Zone.

I haven't been there in a while.

What I have in my glass is something new. It wasn't ordered for me or anything like that, I knew what I was getting, and it's good, in fact it's very good.  But it's so ... different. 

I haven't been out in a while. I used to love it; walking into the club (or pub or bar), the air dense with possibilities, charged with excitement...(which is why I think the above analogy bubbled up first!).  I knew what I wanted, I knew, more or less how I needed to get there, but of course like everyone else, there's no way of knowing EXACTLY how it was all going to play out.

So now here I am, in my home, 7 years of marriage in my pocket, 2 squishable kiddies to call my own...exactly what I knew I wanted.  Now that I think back, I realize something though.  I loosely laid out a plan of action; all the benchmarks I figured your average 30-something woman should have achieved by the time she got to where I find myself now.  But I don't ever remember factoring in what I might need to keep me grounded in Me.  All the things I did in my Comfort Zone.  I got so wrapped up in being the homeowner/maker, the wife, the mom that I kinda put Me on the shelf.  And so many orders have come up since MY last one, that all the other bottles up there have been shuffled around until Mine got pushed right to the back. 

Well...that just won't do anymore.  The place IS pretty crowded, there is a lot happening, a lot of ground to be covered between me and the bartender.  But I'll enjoy the music, plug in to the pulse in the atmosphere, let the party happen around me, and with a little patience I know I will soon find myself with my elbow up on the bar again, and I will know exactly what I'll order when asked,
"What'll it be?"